When I look back on my life, I have one huge regret. There is one friendship that I wish I would've fought harder for. It was a very rough time in life for me. I was spinning. I respect her decision to step back out of it. We fight about stupid stuff. How did I let that come between us. Not having her in my life is like not having a left arm. She offered a type of understanding that I needed. These messages about how people come in for a season to teach you a lesson and then you're supposed to move on without them... blah blah blah. I don't want to. I miss her as a person. Like she is a true gift of a soul.
I just emailed her. Asked her if we could meet to talk it out. We both did and said hurtful things, but I think it can be fixed. When you love someone, their words and actions sting twice as much. I got really hurt and then I lashed out and then isolated, because... trauma. Negative coping skills. I ran from it honestly.
She was a mirror and at the time, I did not want to see what reflected back. I felt shame and guilt. I wasn't ready to face myself. But I am now. I just hope it's not too late. And if it is, I'll continue to send her love and positive energy anytime I think of her and I'll have to live with this regret.
Blu
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