Spirit has been adamant that I pay attention today. I have been feeling a little stuck in my healing journey lately. The interpreted message is that my Grandmother is reaching out to apologize for not loving my Mother the way she needed and in turn my Mother didn't love me the way I needed. I guess she wants to make sure I don't suppress my gifts the way she did when she was alive. She wants me to let my light shine. She's around because she wants to help heal some of my trauma. My parents saw my gifts as hinderences and so I learned to hide them.
She wants me to know that I've always been magical and special.
There is some pain from childhood that's being transmuted, for sure. I was an unloveable, strange, invisible child. I was incredibly self aware, empathic and very clairsentient. I could feel the energy of things, of people and of situations. Looking back, I guess it frightened the grown ups around because I was often told to stop. Stop what? I guess commenting, observing, calling out the truth. I was gaslit into believing what I knew to be true, was false. But I knew. I could feel a person's essence so intensely, it was often overwhelming. Mostly I just kept to myself and when my siblings came along, I just wanted to be by myself still. I got in trouble for isolating myself from the family. But they were so overwhelming. I couldn't handle the emotions and energies coming from so many unhealed souls.
Spiritually I understand why trauma happens and its purpose. There is nothing to apologize for just as there is nothing to forgive. I chose that lesson. But I guess maybe she is apologizing to the ego side so it can free some of that trauma. That trauma will be powerful transmuted energy when turned.
It was also affirmed: No amount of love could've changed that situation.
I could not love my Mother enough for her to love me back. This stings, humanly. It's much easier to forgive my Father, partly because I didn't have the same expectations as I did for her and also because he has passed and already came to me to explain certain things. I still can feel the sting of feeling so hurt by him, but I have forgave the situation and understand it Spiritually now so it's not so personal. But my Mother... I still feel absolute rage for. I'm not ready to forgive her. And even though I can appreciate the human aspect of how I feel, I can't forgive her. I think this is holding me back.
Comentários